A Pie A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Hell yes it does!

You might be wondering, why would I want to keep a BBW away from her doctor? The reason is simple: The doctor will tell her to lose weight! When she hears that, she ain’t coming over to my house for my gourmet shepard’s pie anytime soon. A visit to her doctor is a serious cockblock.

But as always there is a solution, it just requires Big Game. What I’ve learned from frustrating trial and error, is to preemptively block the cockblock. It’s a game tactic that I’ve refined over many years. It requires planning and strategy. If you don’t like that, well too bad. Quit being a bitch and step up your fucking game.

Before I can stop her from seeing her doctor, I have to know when she’s scheduled for a visit. This is why, the first time I meet a BBW, I always ask her when she has her next appointment. Usually I wait until she starts talking about how fat or unhealthy she thinks she is, that’s when I drop the question. Usually they are turned on bad a man that’s looking out for them, cause I’m a gentleman like that. But if she wonders why I asked, I’m like, “cause baby, I just wanna make sure you have a doctor to help you stay healthy and strong.”

With her doctor appointment saved in my phone, before the date comes up, I set it up so I get an alert. That’s when I call her up, “hey girl, I’m wondering if you’d like to come over my place for some fresh pie.” Now, do you think a fat bitch will ever say no to that? As long as I bring up food before the doctor does, I got her by the love handles. Now if she does have some objection, maybe she brings up her doctor appointment, that’s when I send her a picture of my… Dish! When she sees the size of my crust, she’s cumming over to my house first, for some holistic, big game healing with Dr. Nigel.

When she waddles her wide ass through my door for some pie, she sees me dressed up as a doctor, in a white coat and stethoscope on. See, being the fun guy that I am, I love to role play with bitches. “Baby, doctor says take off them clothes! I got yo medicine”

I like to put the stethoscope right up to her stomach, “did you have some french fries earlier? I can hear them running around.” She giggles, until I tell her to bend over for a suppository. I love it when, after sex, she asks me about that pie, I’m like “Bitch, I just made you a chocolate cream pie! Besides you probably have diabetes for real and shouldn’t have missed your doctor’s appointment.”

GET REAL: Learn how to love REAL Women

Hey brothers, I’m back!

I’m sorry I’ve been away for a few months, I’ve been busy making love to a very special girl that needed it. She had been suffering, because clearly, Fat Shaming still exists, and it hurts me as much as it hurts these ladies. Fat Shaming is a crime against humanity! It is worse than harassment, it is spiritual rape. You Men out there reading this, you need to learn to love real women for who they are, and stop having unrealistic expectations. All them pornhub videos you’ve been watching have raised your standards to mount Everest levels, and that’s why you are alone, complaining about women. It’s time to get back down to earth and check out some real sized ladies.

a picture of what some real women look like.

Uh huh, yah, that’s what I’m talking about. I’ve got a bakery and they bring da dough. ;)

You men out there, what is wrong with you? What are you afraid of? Too much pussy and ass on one woman? You bet you, you scared bitch! That’s why you have to be so ignorant and hateful then? Lame!

See those girls in that picture above, you wouldn’t want to get with one of them? Come on now…

Let me ask you this, you’ve always had dreams of a threesome, right? Well with big girls, in a way, you get two for one. Twice the size equals twice the fun. After hitting up just one of these ladies, technically you can say you had a threesome. Hell, some girl I hit up yesterday was so big, I had me a five-some! I dare you to beat my record.

Anyway, Big girls deserve big love, and no less. But maybe you shouldn’t get with real women, because you aren’t ready. After years of jerking off to anorexic hoes in porn films, your standards are all messed up. You aren’t ready yet.

Which is why I’ve decided to create a study-at-home system, which I’m working on now. It’s going to be called GET REAL: Learn to love REAL WOMEN. It’ll be an 8 DVD set, jammed packed with a text book, a work book, and restaurant gift cards…

You sit tight. More to come.

I thought she was the perfect BBW…

bbw big stomach

There’s nothing I love more on a woman than a big stomach. It makes her figure nice and rotund just the way I like, and fucking is more fun cause I got more to hold on to! I gotta have something to hold when I’m riding a BBW’s ass, something I can wrap my arms around, and let me tell you, I got long arms. Yesterday while I was cruising through the streets, I spotted just that: A girl that’s nice and round with junk in the front and the back. I was about to turn on this intersection when I spotted her waddling ahead. Her fupa was swinging left and right with each step. That made me so hard, when I reached for my stick shift to put it in park, I grabbed my dick by mistake. Somehow I still managed to pull over and holler at her, “hey baby, I know they told you not to accept candy from strangers, but I got a dark chocolate candy bar!” That stopped her dead in her tracks.

It took her a while to turn around, as she huffed and puffed to make the u-turn. After a few hard lumbering steps, she faced me with a nasty look on her face. “Hey now… jus cuz i’m a big girl don’ mean I’m hungry motherf*cker!” That’s when I smiled, “no baby, that was an innuendo. I don’t have no candy bar, just chocolate” and winked at her. She looked confused, until she smelled the fresh pizza I had in my back seat. “Look let’s take a drive together and have some pizza, come on in.” She nodded in agreement.

I had to push her in, as she didn’t quite fit through the car door. On the drive to my place I started feeling some anxiety, cause I wasn’t sure if I could get her back out of my car in time, before her down-to-fuck mood wore off. I looked down and saw a can of WD-40 and sighed in relief, that’s when I knew God was smiling down at me. I quietly praised the lord, cause I knew I was getting this bang. I gave a amen with her nibbling on some pizza in the background.

bbw eating pizza

So after greasing up the car door and yanking her out, I told her to bring the rest of the pizza inside so we could finish it together. She was hesitant at first, “what are u tryin’ to do, have sex with me now? Hell naw that ain’t happenin’ .”  I told her there was more inside; “you’re welcome to come in and help yourself” as I pretended to close the door and leave her outside to catch a few whiffs of pizza cooking in the oven. “No wait, I want some more! What type of pizza is it?” With a grin I explained, “a big sausage pizza.”

She stood behind me as I opened up the oven, “hey, where’s the sausage pizza?” I pulled down my pants, “well here’s the sausage, bitch” and shoved her head down to my crouch so she could start sucking my big black dick. It was too easy. I ripped her clothes off and turned up some R Kelly. Her hips, ass, stomach.. Man there was so much to hold on to. I bent her over for some doggy style, and it felt like a sumo wrestling match. Finally I found a hole and started smashing it, balls deep. Then all of the sudden I felt something grab my dick and cry. Bitch was pregnant and giving birth! Oh my lord… I screamed like a bitch and ran out of the house. I ran back in, pulled out the baby, grabbed the pizza slicer and cut the umbilical chord.

I threw the placenta in the trash and picked up the baby with a towel. I love kids and babies, and any birth is a beautiful moment in my book, but the joy quickly faded when I realized I wouldn’t get to bust my nut after all. She wasn’t going to be down after all that, and I wouldn’t get a chance to finish the job. I pretended to be so happy that the Lord brought a new person into this world, but inside I was seething with anger, hating this little guy for fucking up my game and cock blocking me like that.

All the magic was gone. I turned down the music and we just got out a bunch of towels and a swifter and cleaned up the mess together. What a disappointment. Just goes to show you, if you see a BBW, she might just be pregnant. Watch out, might get cockblocked by a fetus.

Read More: 10 Reasons Why YOU Should Fuck Fat Women

Add me on twitter: @nigelbiggame

Big Game in the Club — How to Meet Fat Girls at Night

Nigel with a freaky fat woman in the club

Nigel in the club

Back in the day I used to hit up the BBW clubs around New Orleans every Friday and Saturday night; places like Sty Lounge and Club Acceptance, before they were shut down for structural load violations — unfortunately “sizest” zoning ordinances don’t care about real women no more. BBW clubs were once packed with whole herds of Big Hoes. It was so easy to swoop ‘em, no big game was necessary. Those were the good old days, but now that there are fewer BBW clubs around (thanks to zoning regulations) my Big Club Game had to keep getting tighter and tighter because more men were flocking to fewer and fewer clubs. These men are bringing these big bitches pizzas and cakes to the club and rolling them up to the VIP section in wheelchairs; man… you bet competition is stiff now. Luckily I’ve stepped up my game too.

Before I head into any BBW club, I make sure all the disabled parking spaces are occupied, that way I don’t even have to set foot inside the club to assess whether or not there’s enough big bottom girls inside.

Also important, when I get ready for the club I make sure I’m dressed to impress. I suit up. I’ve got jackets and pants in multiple colors. Maybe it looks corny but at a BBW club it’s good to stick out. I like to accessorize with jewelry like my Big Icey Pizza watch.

Nigel wearing a watch with pizza on it.

You bet it gets them wet.

Sometimes I take it further; I’ll wear my X-Rated Vision Goggles like in the picture of me with that big doughy snowbird at the top of this post. Girls will ask me all the time why I’m wearing my goggles, and I’m like, “girl, cause your ass is so big and beautiful, I have to keep my eyes from poppin’ out.” That gets them wet every time, then when they ask me what I do for a living, I spice things up by telling them I’m an “Asstronaut” because I could see her ass from space! ;)

Now I’ll admit sometimes you get girls at the Big Girl Clubs that doesn’t want to feel fat, which is ironic since it’s a BBW club. These girls preach Fat Acceptance and Body Acceptance all day, but they don’t walk the talk, they don’t practice what they preach. It’s usually the BIGGEST girls, the SSBBWs that are the worst with this denial shit. So sometimes I’ve got to tone it down and be more subtle when I’m chatting up a BBW-in-denial, that’s when I have to fine tune my big game. I adjust my pick up lines “Girl, who said you were big? You are fine at any size.” Then I go in for a hug and she gets a whiff of my french-fries-scented cologne.

Another thing to note, Big Women love to drink. When I’m in the club I post up near the bar where BBWs order their sugary mixed drinks, and I’ll keep a big pitcher of sangria in my hands. When I grab a BBW’s love handle, it’s easier her for to play along when I tell her to open up and “drink it bitch” as I pour the red juice down in her mouth.

Once closing time rolls around I suggest we bounce, and I use all kinds of incentives to get her to come to my place, like “I’ve got the worlds largest tootsie roll.” Works everytime. Once I get her to my place… That’s another post.

How to go on a Dinner Date (with a Bigger Woman) in 6 steps!

fat woman eating out

So you’ve been wanting to take a bigger girl out to dinner, but you’re worried it might not be affordable or doable, well think again. If you like big girls like I do, you don’t mind the idea of a dinner date, in fact you look forward to it because you love watching girls eat. Great, because a dinner date is one of your best opportunities to impress a big girl, showing her that you’re a true gentleman that cares about her, that wants to treat her right. With these easy steps, you can wheelchair her ass up the table and order the food in peace, knowing full well you’ll save a lot of money and bang her out in no time flat.

Some back story: As you know, I’ve gotten many quickies with my foodtruck over the years. I’ll be honest, the foodtruck was a logistical crutch. All I would have to do is invite them inside for some extra corndogs after making some small talk. That’s how I got 90% of my quick bangs. But now it’s in the shop for repairs. It may never hit the road ever again, in fact it’ll probably go to foodtruck heaven after all them times the big ladies and I shook it up. Now it looks like it was totaled in a car crash. God bless the foodtruck, rest in pieces baby. Anyway, now I started taking girls out to dinner again, and I’ve perfected into a 6 step plan.

Step 1: Look for BBWs on Craigslist’s dating sections, try to find a bigger girl that is looking for romance. Recently I lucked out when I spotted a post with the title: Very Big Beautiful Woman looking for her Prince Charming. Since her picture was that of a very plus sized black woman, my response email started off with “Redbone Romeo just got his paycheck.” That was the subject line, attached to the email was a semi nude picture of myself, one that I photoshopped to make my skin lighter. I kept the message short, mentioning plans for a dinner date. It only took two emails to get her number.

Step 2: Get her to agree to meet you at the restaurant. If you pick a good, fairly upscale restaurant, then flaking isn’t really an issue, especially If she thinks you’re going to pay. If you can’t decide on a restaurant, a steak house is always a good choice. Again, don’t worry if the restaurant is pricey, and don’t let her worry about it, because it won’t matter. What she won’t know is that the free meal is just bait to get her ass out, into our Big Game trap.

If you have to pick her up, make sure you are driving a large vehicle that can support heavier loads.

Quick Story: One BBW I took out to dinner recently, she needed me to pick her up, so I borrowed my friend’s pickup-truck. When I pulled up to her house and she waddled out, my jaw just dropped. God damnnn, her ass was so thick it could have sunk the Titanic. She was pushing 600 pounds already, I had to pull out a special ramp just to help her into the back of the truck. It was hard work that took a lot of muscle, phew… Once she was in, I tied her down with rope, put up the oversized load sign on the back, and we were off. She moaned loudly every time I went over speed bumps.

Also, be sure to pick a restaurant that’s out of town, I’ll explain why soon.

Step 3: Once you help her inside, know how to deal with the waiter or manager if they have any issues. Usually getting a table isn’t problematic, but you’ll start to notice the manager watching over you like a hawk by the time the waiter asks you if you’re ready to order.

Quick Story: One time my girl and I were peacefully reading our menus when the manager approached us with a nasty look on his face, and said “sorry to interrupt your dining experience, but I just want to personally take your order to make sure you get what you need.” He gave me a good stern look, then looked at my date, and then me again; I knew what he was really thinking. You probably guessed it, he was wondering if we would actually be able to pay for the enormous amount of food she would probably eat. To top it off, being black in the south doesn’t exactly help. So I handled this situation in the most dignified manner I knew how, by loudly proclaiming to my girl, “Baby, you can eat WHATEVER you want! Don’t worry about what he thinks.” And I said it loud enough that the whole room could hear it, cause that’s how you amog the manager of a restaurant. Then I heard a deafening applause. I had received a standing ovation from every patron in the room, so I just had to get out of my seat, and bow deeply. It felt like I was about to accept a Noble prize in Fat Acceptance or Big Game. What an honor… And of course with every patron on my side, the manager had no choice but to accept defeat, and let us order as much food as we wanted.

Step 4: Get her to eat a lot of food and consume alcohol, that way she’ll have to go to the restroom, where you can get to business. We all know that big girls are severely gluttonous, and they certainly know it, but on a first date they might be ashamed of their natural habits. If she doesn’t want to order a lot of food, just order extra for yourself and eat it in front of her. Order a handful of mixed drinks too. She won’t be able to resist the temptation of eating some of your food and drinking it up. Be sure to select foods that have a decent amount of fiber.

nigel out on a dinner date

Nigel on a dinner date.

Step 5: Wait for her to excuse herself to go to the restroom, then follow her in. If you followed through with Step 4 properly, she’ll have to use the restroom at some point to take a shit. Just follow her in. When you find her stall, tell her you brought a corndog to keep her company, then whip out your cock in front of her. Remember, bigger women rarely get any opportunities for intercourse, so the chance for a seedy bathroom surprise will be hard for her to turn down. Rip her clothes off, shake up the stall, and make sure you hit that pussy so hard she can’t get back up. After you bust a nut, tell her you will be at the table waiting for her, while she puts herself back together.

Step 6: Get the hell out of dodge, as quickly as possible! Get out of that restaurant, and get out of town as quickly as possible, before the waiter even totals the bill.

This is where I have to follow my own advice. One time after nailing my girl in the restroom, I made the mistake of walking back to my table. The manager was right there holding the bill in my face, it was like $550 dollars. Shit, I wasn’t about to stick around and clean their dishes for a week. I had to think fast. I tried to explain that I left my girl’s insulin in the car. He barely bought it. So I briskly but calmly made my exit, then I got in my truck and hit the gas!

Read More: Fitness For Heavier Women: Stay Healthy At Any Size

Add me on twitter: @nigelbiggame

Big Women Need Dick More Than Ever.

Bigger women have it hard these days: hip problems, thyroid problems, trouble getting out of bed problems, and sometimes they get their feet cut off because diabetes… They’re 99 problems have 99 problems each. A lot of the bigger BBWs are officially disabled and require special accommodations and monitoring services like Life Alert. Often when they call for help, the dispatchers that are supposed to help them just laugh instead and order her a pizza. Larger women face extraordinary amounts of pain and humiliation every day, and even though they won’t admit it, they’re desperate for any opportunity for sex. We have to show these bigger women more love and respect than ever before, because now we can! :)

The video below is of a large woman that’s a News anchor, and even she was bullied over email. It brings me pain watching this video (SMH… unbelievable). She needs a hug, and some serious dick.

And you bet if I hit her up on the street she’d be easier than getting fried shrimp in The Big Easy.

It makes no sense to me why or how the sight of adipose on some woman’s body evokes so much hatred, and so much rage in so many crazy white guys on the internet. A man known as Heartiste (most likely a Klansman) recently blogged about 11 Things You Should Always Say To A Fat Girl, which wasn’t very nice — In another post I’ll revise that list reflect my disposition. He seems like a smart guy, which is why I’m still scratching my head, but you know what, it’s his loss! More fat bitches for me. He’s got his 11 things to say, while I’m laying some dark pipe on 11 new BBWs from Craigslist.

See, while other guys just sit around at their laptops complaining about fat women getting fatter, I do something about it. I hate complainers because I’m an opportunist that hustles hard. I see an opportunity: A bunch of thick white women that can’t get no dick, and I make it work for me. There’s literally a deficit in dick, and guys all over are turning these BBWs down. What the hell, I love it. America is the land opportunity indeed. God bless America, and God bless these bullies. Thank you Heartiste, you are making it easier for me. All these bitches will coming crying to my food truck for their favorite comfort food, with an extra large serving of dark meat. ;)

bbwsmvchart

Thanks to bullies, sometimes all I have to do is show up at the Ham Hock Saloon or any other BBW club pushing in a wheel chair, and that’s it. I’ve got a big bird ready to come to the motel with me and get her mouth stuffed with my cocopuffs. Hell, I can just bang ‘em out behind a dumpster and shove moldy french fries up their ass. Now don’t get me wrong, Big Game isn’t easy; you still have to have very tight logistics and a decent knowledge of physics, be able to appreciate great food, and dead lift at least 350 pounds. But other then that, the BBWs themselves are more open to sex than ever before, I’ll admit it. I wouldn’t call myself an opportunist, but rather a hustler on a good run when I get pull in these hogs.

Nigel in the club

Keep on keepin’ on.

Read More: Haters Gonna Hate

Add me on twitter: @nigelbiggame

Do Fat Women Give Better Head?

corndog

We all love getting our knob slobbed and our snake slurped, then droppin the nut seeds down her hatch. Every time I empty out a batch of my own secret sauce in a fat bitch’s mouth, I throw my hands up and thank the lord; hell I even open up my window and let all my neighbors know with a loud Hell Yeah! I know the man up stairs is smiling down on me when I pull it off because It’s no secret that fat women give the best head.

You might think it’s easier to get some head from a BBW, because you assume that fat women are always hungry, which is true. But here’s the catch: they are hungry for food, not your dick, at least not right away. I’m going to explain how you can flip this around as quickly as possible, so you can get your dick sucked so hard that your forehead caves in.

First thing comes first, you got to have the right food.

Find out what she is craving by asking her what she’s in the mood for, or try subtly making suggesting that she responds well to. I like to put my head up to her stomach and assume it’s growling in hunger for corndogs and sausage. “Baby your gut knows what you want best, and it’s asking me for corndogs.” Every BBW I’ve done this to has laughed out loud. It’s usually a good idea to suggest food that has a phallic shape to it, and preferably something greasy. BBWs love the aftertaste of any kind of buttery grease — this Is why I often use popcorn butter or hog grease as lubricant for my cock, not just for cooking; Sometimes it’s necessary if her mouth is smaller, so I can squeeze in my huge BBC.

A common amateur chubby chaser mistake is made when you just start feeding her as soon as she is hungry and opens her mouth. Don’t be a rash fool. If you do that, she’ll just eat you out of house and home and then fall asleep — and you can’t have sex with her while she’s asleep, that’s rape my brother. You’ll go to prison if you do that, where you’ll be giving head instead of receiving it. Anyway, not to digress here, it’s important leverage her desire for food as a way to guide her toward whatever sexual act you want her to perform.

some guy feeding girlfriend

Above you see the mistake. He just rewards her right away. She didn’t earn that hot dog like a good little fat bitch. Below, my man Parker Clark has it right. After she finishes her plate she’ll be scarfing down his breakfast sausage like a bottomless cum dumpster. See, it’s just an associations game — she sees the food, the dick, and then slurp slurp.

Man puts plate of food near his crotch, bbw is hungry for his food/dick

If you get the above right, you’ll have successfully leveraged her insatiable hunger for food over to your dick, getting a blow job that’s stronger than a 100 Dyson vacuum cleaners. But watch out if you feel any teeth, keep your pimp hand ready. Keep it strong. I’ve knocked out a few fat bitches that thought they could chew on my cock. Where there’s great pleasure, there’s great danger.

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Read More: Solid chubby chasing player? Or beta male?

She Was Asking For it.

Nigel suited up, with a BBW, in front of golden corral buffet.

Lately I’ve been making my rounds at the local buffets once again. Last time I learned a very valuable lesson: Buffets are surprisingly the hardest place on earth to game BBWs. Even though you have so many of them waddling around in one place, they are overly distracted by all the choices of food, and even just the smell of food… They are so busy hogging up the buffet tables, carefully selecting what they want to eat, it’s hard to talk to them. They just get their food and sit at their table, intensely focused on the act of eating. I was so broken down after a week of nothing but cold rejection that I swore off buffet game forever. Never again I said to myself, but that was 5 months ago. Now I decided to tame the beasts in their own environment once again, by any means necessary.

A few days ago I hit up the buffet scene again, but this time employing a new overall strategy. I was suited up, more confident than ever, and had a new, solid alibi for my presence. In my new fitted purple suit, I headed for the Golden Corral and immediately noticed that every fat bitch was staring at me, for at least 3 seconds. Man I knew I had made a solid impression right there and then, until all the sudden the smell of bacon grease and fried foods hit me like a brick wall. The BBWs turned back around to the soul food selections, but the gain in confidence I had lingered, and I knew it was time to game on.

I got myself a plate and got in line, but this one fat woman in front of me was so god damn big I couldn’t see anything ahead of her. She was like an edifice of adipose with an ass the size of a dumpster, and a fecal stench reeking through her clothing. I had to hold my plate over my crotch to conceal a very intense boner. Once we got to the food, I knew my chance to spit game was now or never. I waited until she started loading up her tray with food, which was taking forever. The people behind us were getting visibly frustrated waiting for her to finish up,  so I called her out on it, “girl, come on. You’re holdin’ up the line!” I was trying to be cute, I smiled, but she got defensive.

BBW: Motherfuckah you got something to say to me?
Nigel: Hell yeah I do!
BBW: Whatchu got niggah? I’ll sit on you!
Nigel: Oh yeah, is that a threat honey? Because guess what, I could have you black listed.

BBW: What, you gonna put me on a black wishlist? Huh?
Nigel: No bitch, It means you won’t ever be able to come back here again. All I have to do is snap a picture of you and send it to the Golden Corral head quarters, telling them you’ve been “over served” and are acting belligerent fat hoe, hoggin’ up the line. That’s it, and you’ll be banished from the Golden Corral kingdom for all eternity. How’s that sound?
BBW: FUCK YOU niggah! You ain’t gonn’ do shit!

At this point everyone was staring at us, and some were even filming with their iPhones.

She put down her tray and waddled toward me, getting in my face like she was ready to throw down. I put down my plate and got ready in my boxing stance — and I’ll be honest here, I was scared for life, because she was at least twice my weight (I’m 235 pounds). I told her to “step the fuck back.” That was her third and final warning, I was through being nice, but she still didn’t want to listen. She choose to seal her fate when she grabbed a good scoop of greasy mashed sweet potatoes and flung it at my suit, which I had just gotten dry cleaned. Damn, that was the last straw. I quickly jabbed her in the face with my right hand and followed up with a left hook to her jaw (the good old one two combo). She was out already, when I kicked her over. She fell back, hitting the ground so hard the whole building shook up. It was like Godzilla had fallen over in defeat. The crowd of patrons was cheering for me when she went down, but I hardly noticed.

Word of advice for you hoes: Never mess with a brother’s suit, especially if it’s fitted, cause you’ll get knocked the fuck out for real.

She was lying on the ground unconscious while I was still in aggression mode, lost in the violence, seeing red; so I pulled my pants down and got to work. I couldn’t find her pussy beneath all the layers of flab, so I compromised with a nice crevice. I was getting in it hard, trying to bust a nut, but then I noticed that fecal smell again. It was coming from a hole near her gunt, she had a colostomy. Her colostomy bag had fallen off, and there was a nice hole for me to shove my dick in. There was shit inside, but my dick didn’t care, it was just like putting it in her ass, no different. It was nice and tight and I busted a few times. I felt like a champion beating up her… hole. She got what she deserved, and I had finally gotten a notch from a buffet — a Golden Corral flag. My dick gave me a fist bump.

After I got done, I noticed that everyone had left, so I pulled my pants up and went outside for a smoke. The cops showed up and asked me what had happened, and I told them the truth, “I was scared for my life, and she was asking for it.”

Photo credit: https://twitter.com/RaymondStarke

Photo credit: RaymondStarke

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Read More: When BBWs Act UP

An Open Love Letter to Lindy West

I don’t normally allow myself to get too heartfelt and emotional on this blog, cause I’m not about that shit. I don’t ever give my love to just one girl. I like to spread it around like red sauce on pizza. Today however, I’m going to share my deepest feelings and desire for a very exceptional BBW. Since this is a very special post it’s only proper that I set the mood with the right music:

Lindy West, I just want you to know that you are the biggest, brightest, and all around most beautiful feminist in the whole wide world. 

Consider this an open love letter.

When I first discovered you on Jezebel, my heart skipped a few beats. I knew it was love at first sight. Your sassy feminist vibe, your rotund, rubenesque frame, it’s spicy yet familiar. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.

I’ll admit I’ve done wrong in the past. All those nights I spent with other big women, feeding them nachos and friend chicken, sleeping with them, break some off in them, but I would give it all up for you.

I need a strong woman like you to set me right once and for all. You’re a big woman, so naturally you deserve a big man with a big heart, and a really big hot dog.

If you’ll be with me, I will always be there for you.

When ever you need help getting into a wheel chair. Girl I got you.

For you, I would delete my account on Craigslist forever.

We could have countless nights together of cuddling in front of my big ass fire place. With your thick ass and thighs, your potbelly, and your giant love-handles, It’s as if God made you for this purpose; there’s so much more to hold on to. More flesh for me to handle and discover. I love discovering new territories, and your body is like a whole new continent, a whole new world baby.

All them hohos and all them tasty cakes I saved all these years, all yours. You can eat me out of house and home, and stuff your face while you sit on mine. My face is your throne.

I know a beach somewhere that we could go to, where we could go on romantic strolls together. I’d bring out the wheel chair of course, a special wheel chair like you’ve never seen. Girl, you’d never have to walk on them heavy ass legs again, I got you baby, all the way! I know how much trouble you have breathing even when you sit still. So just relax. I’ll roll you up to the candle lit dinner on the beach.

We’d crack open the wine and some Cognac, fine ass cheese, candy corn oreos (your favorite) hamhock gravy and mashed potatoes, pizza, and a funnel to help it all go down. We could let ourselves loose in the moment.

You wouldn’t ever have to lift a finger, in fact I don’t even want you to. All you’d have to do is relax, lay back, and open your mouth.

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Finding the Perfect BBW (Big Beautiful Woman)

Black player holding a white BBW

It was a usual Friday afternoon. I was at Costco to stock up, that’s where I usually shop to save money on my food bill.

By the way, let me emphasize this:

Buying in bulk is really a must if you even hope to game BBWs — you gotta feed your bitches and still have money left over to pay your other bills.

Black guy feeding huge white BBW

One time my junk food bill was so high that I didn’t pay my electric bill, and I spent a whole month fucking BBWs with nothing but a flash light and night vision goggles. But that’s another story.

Anyway I was at Costco, and usually I only see two types of women there: ugly ass ethnic women buying sacks of rice, and BBWs buying large quantities of junk food. But wow, there’s so many fatties there that it’s worth developing a new style of game: Costco Game.

Costco is a great place to find BBWs, second only to Craigslist!

That Friday I was pushing my giant Costco cart, breezing through the aisles. I swear to god I wasn’t there to find pussy, but lo and behold there was a woman so big she barely fit onto her motorized scooter — an SSBBW for sure. Her ass was sagging over the seat and damn near dragging on the ground.

I love a woman with a thick ass, and the thicker the better. Too much of a good thing is a GREAT thing for this brother.

While I was getting ready to approach her, running through the lines I’d use in my head, and admiring her huge bottom, she fell over in her scooter. Her massive body weight struck against the giant shelf holding all the heavy creates of wholesale food, with the shelf itself leaning over. An alarmed sounded, and all the kings horses and all the king’s men (all the Costco employees) had to put her back on her scooter again. I didn’t have a chance to run my game on her unfortunately, and so I moved on.

Later I was selecting fine cheeses in the meat and dairy section when I saw a small girl with a surprisingly thick ass, one that just popped out at me as if I was wearing 3D glasses or something. It looked like someone threw a grenade in her pants and the explosion was still happening. Something was up, cause she looked like she weighed a measly 170 pounds. I thought to myself, “how could such a small short woman have such a huge ass and not need a wheel chair?” I was about to go get her one! Being a thick ass lover, I knew had to make my move.

“Excuse me, I’ve got gas. My bad girl.” Was my opening line after I heard her fart.

I often have to wait until a BBW farts to make a move, because they become even more insecure and this ends up being a huge advantage for me to leverage myself. It’s hard for them to act like a bitch when they farted and feel embarrassed about it, and this is also how I show her I’m a gentleman: by taking the blame for the fart right away. As I’ve mentioned before with this tactic, I turn it around, and later make it fun and silly with jokes, “girl, I bet I can fart louder than you.” I turn it into a challenge, a game she has to win.

She got excited, then her eyes started to look teary. I knew I had her where I wanted, because I was the first man to have ever excepted her for who she was underneath all her think white, adipose junk.

Her interest peaked and she started asking me what I do, and noticed I was still in my chef outfit from work. I typically wear my chef attire when I’m out so BBWs know what’s up, and that I can cook for them.

30 minutes into the conversation we were holding hands and I was leading her to the restrooms. As soon as I held the door open for her, she stopped and turned back around. What she said still echoes loudly in my cranium..

“I DON’T LIKE BLACK GUYS, SORRY!”

All my intense feelings and attraction toward her disappeared. I wanted to call her a bitch, but I was too shocked, my jaw dropped and nothing came out.

Racism is pretty rare among BBWs, but sometimes it rears its ugly head. Later that night I shed a few tears thinking about what she had said to me, and how much it hurt my feelings, my dignity, my pride, and honor. Her ass was still wonderful in my opinion, despite her ugly feelings toward capable men like myself that just happen to have a different shade of skin. She got a taste of my big game, while all I got was her racism, man I felt so cheated. 

The truth is that there’s no such thing as a perfect BBW. Just when you think you’ve found one you’ll change your mind pretty quickly.